I thought that a "currently" post (even though I used to do them on Thursdays) was in order to catch you up on what's been happening in
THANKFUL FOR: I am so thankful that I have summers off. This one was an extended summer as my maternity leave bled into the summer months with the exception of two weeks during which time I was back at work at the end of May. Having five and a half months to bond, figure out how to be a mom, get my bearings, enjoy my growing girl, and spend time with my family is absolutely priceless. This time away from so many things in my life has been precious beyond measure, and I am endlessly thankful that I have the luxury of having this time. I know many people don't.
FEELING: This is a total cliche, but I am feeling TIRED---every.damn.day. I did not give birth to a good sleeper. She is getting better, and she has good nights, but, no, we are not sleeping through the night. I actually hate when people ask me how she sleeps because it is as though she should be sleeping through the night at this point. Honestly, I think lots of babies don't sleep through the night at four months, but when people ask, I start to wonder if there is something more I should be doing. I never could have imagined that five uninterruprted hours would feel like a luxury, or that a human being could survive on so little rest. (Note to pregnant mamas out there: invest in a good under eye concealer. It will become your saving grace.) The worst thing that has happened recently is that I've developed some intermittent insomnia. There is nothing more tormenting than knowing my beautiful babe is sleeping soundly while I lie there staring at the ceiling. Has this ever happened to any of you?
THINKING ABOUT: I am starting to think about what it will be like to go back to work. I'm only returning part time for the next year, and I think that this is a great compromise that will allow me to still keep a foot in my career and to spend lots of time with the baby during this incredibly formative time. I do want to go back to work, but I wonder what it will be like to leave my baby with someone else. She is going to go to a daycare in our neighborhood, and I have no idea what that adventure will be like. I don't know how it will feel to know that someone else will get to cuddle her and perhaps even see her have certain "firsts" while I'm not there. On the other hand, I do truly believe that for me, personally, I will be a better mother to her if I continue to work; I am not sure that I could stay at home full-time. In this set up, I feel like I can truly capitalize on the wonderful time I will have with her while maintaining a little grown up sanity!
EATING: There is nothing like a swirl of chocolate and vanilla soft serve with rainbow sprinkles to say "summer." I've probably had one too many of these, but damn are they good. Mmmm mmm mmm.
WATCHING: This summer my go to shows have been The Real Housewives of the OC and New York. (And The Bachelorette, of course...STOP. (Inside joke for those of you watching...)) This is shameful, and if I must watch TV, I should be watching something more high brow, I know, but I do love this trash. I have also been watching the new season of Orange is the New Black. The great thing is that watching trash means I can just sort of pay attention and not actually miss anything, which definitely works for me.
READING: Oh my lord, it took me about four months to finish one book! Unbelievable! I read Bringing up Bebe, which is about the wisdom of French parenting. Again, it did not tax the intellect any, but it helped during those nights of insomnia in the last few weeks! I have finally started Wild, which I meant to read a long time ago and never did. I can honestly say that at this point in the book, I am not seeing the allure of hiking the Pacific Coast Trail. Perhaps I will figure it out as I get further along...
LOVING: One of the most fun experiences I've had this summer was taking Baby N. to the beach. She absolutely loved the water. Over the weekend, we went in my aunt and uncle's pool, and again, she was thrilled to splash around and recline while I pulled her around on a float. I am so excited that she is a water baby, and I love watching her laugh and giggle. I can't even...it is so darn cute.
BUMMED OUT ABOUT: I am really bummed out that I don't live in a commune. Weird, I know. But, this summer has shown me that raising a child with lots of other adults around is so much better, easier, and more fun than doing it alone. This summer, my sister has been with me almost every day, and that has been an absolute game changer. She couldn't love N. more if she were her own, and the thoughtfulness, care, enthusiasm, and energy she brings to Auntie-hood have blown me away. Also, when I am in my parents' house and my siblings are around like they were this past weekend, it is such a joy to watch everyone play with the baby, and I don't feel harried, stressed, and at the end of my rope. Aside from the fact that we don't sleep at night, each day feels filled with fun and amusement. San Francisco is a relatively isolating place for me to live with no real help around. While it has been hard to be away from my home there for the summer because you are never quite as settled when you aren't in your own space, I know it would have been exceptionally hard to be at home, alone with the baby all day without any family or many friends around to break up the time. I am bummed that I can't do this great communal living all the time! I know I've mentioned this in the past, but I am definitely pushing my bros and sis to think about the family compound for our future!! (Only half kidding...)
LOOKING FORWARD TO: The crazy thing about having a little one is that you never really know what tomorrow will bring. She might master something new that she's never done before. She might laugh at something she suddenly finds funny. She might make a sound that turns a room full of heads. And that is really unbelieveavle. Every day, you learn a little more about this person who is a part of you, but is becoming more and more herself each moment. I am looking forward to all the tomorrows during which I get to know my sweet girl and watch her learn about each and every thing in this wide world.
Sheesh-I know this was a lot of baby, but I warned you! Is there still fashion to be had? Decors to make one swoon? I'll have to look into that... Hope you had a great July 4th weekend!