Thursday, October 24, 2013


FEELING (and THINKING ABOUT): I am genuinely feeling really good these days. Because I was thinking about something that I didn't know when it came to pregnancy, and, just in case anyone out there is pregnant or thinking about giving it a whirl, I decided to share this with you; the first trimester can be really bad. I don't just mean the morning sickness, I mean the moods. I genuinely thought I was descending into a depression. Of course, I was elated at first. I had wanted to get pregnant and was so happy when it finally happened, but shortly after that, I just felt glum...and like I was having an out of body experience. I felt so disconnected from my body, physically miserable (nausea, vomiting, etc.), and psychologically fragile. I was terrified of doing something bad for the baby, or losing the baby, or not being able to take care of the baby when it came. I spent way too much time reading nonsense online (which is the biggest mistake I made). I was so anxious all the time, and a lot of days I just felt sad. My family assured me it was the hormones, but I was scared that there was something wrong with me. And then the second trimester came, and the fog lifted. Suddenly, I was happy again. I am happy again. I am excited. And, I am still a little scared about taking care of a baby, but a scared like a normal, rational person. Not scared to the point of it being debilitating. I feel like my old self. Because I wish I had known that that can happen, I wanted to put it out there. But, to sum up, right now I am feeling chubby and happy.

EATING: I am trying so hard to be healthy, but when your body is hungry every two hours, it can be a challenge. Actually, because our next three weekends are full up with out of town visitors, which means lots of eating out at great restaurants, we decided to temporarily give up on cooking during the week to save time; we figured we'd make up for it on Fridays and Saturdays. We don't have the weekends to work, so we need to be uber productive during the week. This now means that week nights are pasta, cereal...yogurt...string cheese...apples and peanut butter (gotta get the Honey Crisp--a more perfect apple does not exist), or whatever I can find in the kitchen that requires no more than one pan to prepare. Kind of pathetic.

WATCHING: I blow through a lot of shows at the gym lest you think I spend all my time watching TV (not that that is so far from the truth). I recently caught up to the current season of Parenthood and needed something to keep me occupied while I sweat, so I am giving Scandal a go. I am only on episode two, and I think I am going to like it, but something about the way Kerry Washington moves her mouth when she talks is very distracting to me. This is strange, I know.

READING: I have The Lowland on my nightstand. It has yet to be cracked open. After hearing Jhumpa Lahiri speak about her new book at the talk I went to a little while back, I ordered it immediately. I can't get enough of her writing, and this story sounds very compelling. I hope one of these days I have enough time to start reading it.

LOVING: Baby kicks. They are truly amazing. My babe seems to be an active one, and I never really get tired of feeling her rustling around in there...What this means for her out of the womb temperament has me a little scared! And Rolos. I love Rolos, too. Oh, and one more...seasonal decor. Love a good pumpkin and gourd scattered around the house. I very much want to make the pumpkins featured above. I also have this great, colorful skull pennant banner. Sounds weird, I know, but it is very Halloween-chic.

BUMMED OUT ABOUT: I have so damn much work! I can't seem to crawl out of this abyss. Help me!

LOOKING FORWARD TO: We aren't going home for Thanksgiving this year because we just made the trip and felt that Christmas and Thanksgiving were too close to justify two additional trips. I told J. that I would be a miserable, crying mess if we just sat in the apartment, so we are taking a little weekend getaway to Mendocino, a town north of SF, where neither of us has ever been. I am not sure what we are going to do there, but frankly, I couldn't care less because we are staying here. Looks absolutely divine. And they have fresh cookies out all day. Can you say "happy lady"?

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