Monday, November 12, 2012

Monday Musings

The Voice


Singing shows are taking over my life. 

'Tis the season for all of America's undiscovered talent to emerge from this country's small towns, back woods, alleys, and Shreveport (which I just now realized was not a made up town from True Blood) to become stars (sponsored by Pepsi). If you don't watch for the singing, watch to assure yourself that the American dream is alive and well. No one has anything to go back to. No one even has a house. Everyone has children out of wedlock (that they had when their were teenagers, which seems to be a prerequisite for an appearance on these shows), and everyone is unfulfilled by his or her full time job as a burrito slinger/postal worker/Nashville hopeful. It's everyone's last chance. Except the people who were on last year. They know you can go home again.

Lil' Carly Rose Peach Bud Sonenclar Smiles & Jason Brock

There is one exception to this rule. Young Carly Rose Sonenclar is from Westchester, NY, and boy did the producers have a hard time making a montage of her "story." She misses her brother, who is eighteen. That was the best they could do? Carly will actually have to rely on her INSANE voice because she ain't getting any "sob story" points in this round.

Attack of the wayward nipple
I come home every night and there is literally hours worth of singing, judging, and hosting to be watched. Oh the hosting! The Voice has it going on. Who knew Carson Daly was such a peach! I thought his star had risen and set, but he's baaaaaack... The X-Factor, on the other hand, is just a train wreck. I honestly thought it would be impossible to make me miss Steve Jones. But then they hired Khloe Kardashian. I have tried to stay in Khloe's camp when the local radio DJs perfected their guttural, masculine impressions of her. I tried, people, but her hosting has turned me into a hater. (Put that nip away, Khloe. Have a little discretion. This is a family show. Letting your tits hang out is Christina Aguilera's job.)

Boobs 1 - Boobs 2 -Boobs 3


And after all the boobs and the singing, and the tears and the stories, there are the losers. So heartbreaking. Except the wonderful Jason Brock. After being told that it was "not his time" (a favorite line of mentor Demi Lovato), he proudly exclaimed, "Well, I did it for the gays and Japan." Okay. Way to keep your head held high. Or to come to work high...Either way, it worked for me.

Happy Monday!


5 comments:

  1. This is hilarious. Ironically enough, I just finished watching my two-hour dose of The Voice. Whew.

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  2. I LOVE The Voice. X-Tina's boobs are unreal. I can't stop staring at them and her spray tan. Yikes!

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