Friday, October 12, 2012

Fabulous Friday: It's Party Time!

Today marks the beginning of my future sister-in-law's bachelorette weekend! I am lucky enough that her bridal party (with the exception of two ladies who work abroad) have managed to get away for a weekend in "the" city west coast style (they all think that "the" city is New York. I will educate them). I am hosting them at my house (hence the painting that occurred last weekend, which I will fill you in on next week), and tonight we are having a relaxed evening filled with food and drinks and revelry before we catch our limo to wine country tomorrow. You can't have a real bachlorette party without the appearance of a gaudy white limo in some form or another, so I've made the necessary arrangements.

Having a sibling get married is an interesting thing. I am, so far, the only one of my siblings to get married, and I am the oldest of four. When I got married, I didn't think much about how my siblings felt about it. I knew that they loved my husband, and we all got along famously. But, I do remember a time (when we were all so much younger) that my brother (the one who is about to get married) acted strange and distant around my husband. Both (weirdly) have the same name, participated in the same sports (because we were all in high school, this actually mattered), and had a number of the same interests. I thought much of my brother's early reticence stemmed from competition. Now that I am watching my brother get ready to get married, I see that there is something else at play. There is a subtle, lingering fear that perhaps I am losing a member of my family, an anxiety that someone else, someone not related to me (yet), will know my friend, my sibling, better than I do, will have more access to his life than I ever will. That can be a hard feeling to articulate.  I'm not sure if my brother ever felt that way about me, but he might have.

I also, personally, think that we (whoever that royal we is) don't carve out a lot of space to reflect on that emotion, which is, essentially, a feeling of loss. We don't talk about that, and we don't really mourn it either. And I'm not insinuating that every marriage also requires a subsequent period of mourning. But, I think it should be okay to acknowledge that I'll miss my brother because things will be different. That doesn't mean that they won't be good, but they will be different, and there is no getting around that.

Luckily, I have grown to love his fiancee. She is a wonderful woman and, more importantly, a wonderful woman for him. In fact, I think that they are fabulous for each other, and I believe (I want to go as far as saying "I know") that theirs will be a good and happy life.  I wanted to host this party for her because I look forward to having her as my sister. She will have a part of my brother that I never will again, but I can have her as a part of my life, and that is a great thing. So let the fabulous celebrations commence!


  1. A lovely and thoughtful post. I hope you have a wonderful time!