Friday, July 20, 2012

Fabulous Friday: On Change

When it comes to change, I have always been a hater. As a child, I cried whenever my extended family left the house after a family dinner, I cried on Sundays in anticipation of the week, I cried at the end of a vacation, I cried (and shrieked - according to my mother) on our front porch for the neighborhood to hear for almost a full year when my parents moved when I was five, and I cried pretty much any time anything was about to be over or to be different. While I think that I have improved, sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself and realize that maybe those tendencies will never go away. At the end of my beautiful anniversary weekend, I found myself picking a fight and sulking mostly because I knew that that perfectly peaceful and happy weekend was coming to an end. Instead of basking in the glow of a good time, I ruined the moment by dreading the end. Why do I do that? More importantly, why can't I stop myself when I know that I do that?

Being at my parents' house in Connecticut for the last few weeks has made me realize that change is happening everywhere, and the fantasy of coming home to the family house as it was ten years ago is no longer attainable or possible. I moved away, but I didn't expect everyone else to move on too. In fact, not only did I not think about the fact that, of course, everyone has moved on, but I have been resenting everyone for it. I know that it's not right, but sometimes that five year old girl screaming on the front porch rears her ugly head.

What I do know in my head (even if I don't always believe it in my heart) is that change can make way for better things. Even though I thought that moving to California would destroy the happy life I had built, it has brought positive changes I didn't anticipate. Yes, I feel that I have lost some things because of that choice, but I have met people I wish I had known forever, and my marriage is stronger because we had to rely on each other without the influence of strong friendships and family.

I felt sad this week because I had to face change head on, and I don't like it. But, sometimes the only way to accept change is to mourn for the passing of what was. So I did. After I cried about the fact that things had changed, I cleared the air to actually enjoy myself.

This is Fabulous Friday, so what's good? What's good is that I had some great times in the last few weeks with the people in my life who aren't the same as they used to be, but the new and different versions of those people can be fabulous too.

My sister and me at our brother's engagement party weekend.

No comments:

Post a Comment