Friday, July 13, 2012

Fabulous Friday: I am Tardy to the Party!

So bad. Totally tardy this morning. But, here I am. Yesterday evening we crossed another thing off the summer to-do list and hung out in my aunt and uncle's yard by their pizza oven and fire pit discussing the merits and limitations of Drake's beautiful words as you see them above (which, by the way, I would gladly hang in my living room--though that might be one of those things that you tire of relatively quickly. I can just imagine myself passing the neon buzzing every morning grumbling, "Yeah, yeah, yeah so why the hell am I going to work today?" and then there would be a shaking of my fist in the sign's general direction.) It was a fabulous time had by all.

I know that this is really old news, but yesterday I got an "only on summer vacation would I do this," intense dose of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. Now, Kathy Griffin does a great monologue about this very show, so I am not trying to steal her thunder here, but that show is downright bananas. Directly from yesterday's show (rewritten in my own words, of course):
"I had to push really, really hard, and then I wanted to look in the toilet, because you know everyone likes to look at what came out (aside here - this is kind of true, but you know you'll never admit it), and what did I see? A baby looking up at me!"
Okay, now at this point she had actually delivered the child, thought she had taken the largest and most painful shit of her life, looked into the toilet to marvel at her accomplishment of producing the world's largest and most painful shit, and still, it was not crossing her mind that something else was going on here?! And what did she think about the long purple-ish cord hanging down between her legs??? Hmmm?? Oh my LORD. Can you imagine thinking you are going to marvel at your own poo and then being surprised by an infant's face? That is fabulous shit, no pun intended. You cannot write these things, which is why we must, must, must continue to support excellent reality programming. You Only Live Once, so watch this shit (and your shit, and any shit that might potentially be a human infant swimming in your toilet).

Have a fabulous weekend!

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